MEET “JOE BLOGGER” – A new member of our team from 1st July is an old ADI mate of mine who has recently taken retirement.
He was never one to let an opportunity slip by – an opportunity to express his views, that is and often he would regale the ADIs in the test centre waiting room with his comic observations and forthright comments.
He tells me he is really a shy retiring type (well retired anyway) and asked if I would use a pseudonym. I don’t believe it for a moment but there we go – I must respect his request for anonymity; so now he is going to send me regular (I hope) Blogs under the name of “Joe Blogger” – and here is a taster of things to come.
“The phone rang – right in the middle of Emmerdale, which some might see as a blessed relief, but we were just at the point where I thought Kane Dingle was about to stick one on the mouthy guy, so I wasn’t dead amused at losing the moment.
It was this woman asking about driving lessons.
She set off like a runaway train and it must have been a good four minutes before I could hit the brakes and ask her to start again – this time a little more slowly.
‘His brother had 10 lessons and his best mate at school has already had 20 with the same Instructor and his brother is taking his driving test next week so how does that work then, when his mate has had twice as many and isn’t taking his test – hmm I smell a rip-off somewhere’
Now make no mistake – I used to welcome all enquiries (I say used to because as you probably know, I have just seen the escape committee and have long since gone over the wall (retired)-even enquiries from the irrevocably-confused club.
The lady on the phone wanted to book lessons for her son, that much was apparent amidst her speculations about the moral structuring of some local driving schools and the resultant conspiracy to extract as much money as possible out of an unsuspecting public.
It was at this point that I explained that I was actually retired.
‘But you must be mistaken coz you’re still in Yellow Pages’, she insisted.
I tried to tell her that you can’t stop these media guys midway through the year and have them wrestling with their consciences about giving me a part-refund – it would be easier to stop her in mid conversation – and we all know about that one, don’t we?
It was always very difficult to tell a parent that little Billy – for 17 years the Angel and educationally advanced member of the family – was actually not as quick at learning to drive as the kid down on the council estate, who was an asbo veteran at 17.
My mentor told me, as a trainee “”The nearer you get to a genius lad – the further you move away from common sense”” – a sentiment I have found quite accurate over the last twenty-odd years in the game; so back to the lady on the phone.
‘How many lessons will my son need then, in your opinion?
I again pleaded ignorance – on the grounds of getting back to Emmerdale – and said he would need an assessment lesson in order for the instructor to evaluate his needs.
‘But don’t you have a table – a sliding scale or something, that tells you how many lessons – I mean he’s bright and has always been advanced for his age?
I asked her if she could ring a doctor and ask to be diagnosed over the phone when never having met.
‘No but that’s different she insisted.’
At this point I passed her a colleague’s mobile number with the assurance that he would sort her out – he will probably text me a one-word comment later, but hey ho.
Then, to provide a suitable end to a totally nonsensical discourse, I slid back into the lounge to see the closing credits on Emmerdale”.
Oh dear, so here’s to some more of Joe Blogger’s observations quite soon – and Joe, maybe now would be a good time to invest in SKY+.
Why not check out TRISTAR instead?
** The views of “Joe Blogger” are not representative of the views expressed by Tristar Driving or our staff and are entirely of his own composition**